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to get you back?"
Sean did a fast sniper scan of the apartment. "Without the meds, it can take all day."
Gabe wiped his forehead. "You're all sweaty. Need a shower?"
Sean nodded. "Yeah. Anything. Just let me be in New York." He picked up Gabe and held
him tightly as he walked to the bathroom. He breathed the scent of Gabe and felt his warm
weight.
Gabe twiddled the faucet. "Looks like it's nice and cold." He looked at Sean. "I do better
when I can breathe."
Sean sat him on the shower bench and knelt in front of it, clinging to him, under the cool
spray. Gabe stroked his face and spoke softly until Sean's grip loosened.
"I'm so sorry," Sean whispered into Gabe's hair.
Gabe rubbed his back soothingly. "It's okay. I'm glad you're not alone tonight." He
stroked Sean's hair and then brushed the tears away. "You're here with me... in a tiny little
shower... in a tiny little apartment."
"I know," Sean hitched. "I know." He held onto Gabe and kissed him, his mouth open and
desperate as if trying to find something real to taste or touch or hold onto.
Gabe kissed him under the cool water until Sean's tears stopped. When the water grew
uncomfortably cold, Sean rose to his feet with a groan and got them out of the shower.
Gabe yawned hugely as Sean toweled him off. "Back to bed?"
Sean shook his head. "No, I can't. No more sleep tonight."
Gabe braided his hair for sleep. "Need to get you those meds..." This terminated in
another jaw-cracking yawn.
"I'll get them," Sean scowled. "At nine-fucking-AM I'll get them, if I have to go through
that bastard."
Gabe nodded and rested his head on Sean's shoulder. "Can use my TV or computer..."
Sean kissed him and carried him to bed. He stroked Gabe's arms as he laid him down.
"Glad you were here. Sorry I got you up. I'll watch a movie."
Gabe shushed him with a tap of his lips that turned to a beep of his nose. Sean finally
smiled. "Green box beside the TV."
44
Sean covered him up and kissed him, seeing Gabe was almost asleep before the covers
fell. Sean looked over Gabe's ancient Mac and decided not to try writing on it. He wasn't sure
it could stand up to the challenge of running on alternating current. The green box beside the
TV held a number of burnt DVDs. Gabe was clearly an old movie buff. Errol Flynn, Basil
Rathbone, Danny Kaye, Laurence Olivier, Sean smiled at Gabe's taste in men. He'd seen the
rock posters on the bedroom wall of Hendrix, Morrison and others who had died before Gabe
was born, all captured at the peak of their youth and beauty.
Sean put in a Marx Brothers movie and chuckled his way through it, feeling better just
thinking of Gabe sleeping in the other room. At six-thirty, he checked the refrigerator supplies
and started making French toast.
Gabe wheeled out of the bedroom, and rolled over the table. "Morning."
Sean came over and kissed his smile. "Oughta be illegal to look that cheerful first thing in
the morning. You want a morning shower to go with the middle-of-the-night one?"
Gabe nodded. "Sure. Gonna join me again?"
Sean grinned and flipped the last of the French toast onto the plate. "What else? But let's
eat first and then we can wash off syrup drips too."
Gabe laughed. "I'm not that messy."
Sean held up a dusty bottle of syrup. "From the look of things, you don't eat pancakes too
often."
Gabe looked away. "No. Not anymore."
Sean passed out the French toast. He sniffed the syrup and then poured it on. "So who
was making you pancakes? I know you didn't put the syrup on top of the fridge yourself."
"David," Gabe said softly. "Even after we broke up and I moved here, we still saw each
other from time to time. He used to cook for me." Gabe finally looked at Sean.
Sean shrugged and ate a bite of the egg-soaked bread. "All I'm hearing is past. Not
jealous. Bet he bought the toys, too."
Gabe nodded and ate the breakfast silently. Sean finished his and reached over to take his
hand, coaxing him to look up.
"It's all right. I didn't think you were untouched by man or djinn as the Iraqis say. No
more questions, except are you ready for the shower?" Sean cleared up and washed the few
dishes. Gabe just waited, lost in thought and memory.
Sean offered to pick him up, and Gabe let him. They didn't dawdle in the shower and
were out of the apartment by eight-thirty. The clinic was only a four-block walk, but Gabe had
built in time for Sean to have a panic attack.
As Sean pushed Gabe along the sidewalk on the clear fall morning, he said, "I've been
thinking about the chair."
Gabe looked back at him. "Yeah? Whatcha thinking?"
"That if the backpack works out, we might be able to fold the chair up and let it alone
most of the time. Safer and easier for you."
"Maybe I need an alarm to scare off asshole teenagers."
45
Sean growled. "Only time I ever wished I was HIV+, just so I could've bit them."
Gabe patted his hand and laughed. "Or you could still bite them and say you are."
Sean noticed he gripped the arms of the chair tighter on the ramp. Woods wasn't on this
morning and Nurse Trudy let him in without any hassle. She even grumbled about Woods
being a rule-bound jerk when Sean told her about the bad night.
"You know when I work, Sean. Try to set your appointments then. I won't penalize you
for panic attacks." She doled out the week's prescription.
Sean clutched the precious packet of Valium and then zipped it into his jacket pocket.
"Thank you. I will." He wheeled Gabe back to the Donald and paused in the lobby.
"I hate to see you go," Gabe said.
"I have to. My publisher is breathing fire about edits and I have a lot of work to do on the
pack. Okay if I don't see you until Saturday?"
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