[ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]
to take common examples--you are providing instructions on how to have
that experience. When you mention an experience, your listener will think
about a time he/she had such an experience, or witnessed such an
experience, or will attempt to imagine what that experience would be like.
The stronger your listener's feeling of rapport with you, and the more
emotionally open your listener is at that moment, the more fully your
listener will attempt to follow and learn from your instructions, so as to
experience what you describe. And when you describe that experience
very well--when you employ the techniques we'll describe later in order to
engage your listener, your listener will likely incorporate this feeling into
his/her own inner landscape, so that your communication will have a lasting
effect on your listener's choices, feelings, and beliefs.
(The above is excerpted from Gut Impact, available from
www.sexualkey.com.)
105
APPENDIX TWO: Internal Alignment,
Or, How to Look and Move and Sound As If You Mean What You Say
Just as external alignment that is, seeming similar to your listener,
and matching your listener s beliefs increases your listener s comfort and
receptivity, internal alignment keeping all of your simultaneous verbal and
nonverbal messages similar makes you seem more trustworthy,
attractive, compelling, and persuasive.
Your words should be supported by your voice, your posture, your
facial expression, and your gestures. For example, if you re trying to create
excitement, you need to look and feel excited yourself to convey it. Your
eyes and face should look excited, your body should look excited, your
vocal tone and tempo should express excitement.
The more you exhibit an emotion, the more you can induce it.
Talking about arousal while looking scared tends not to work very
well.
Produce the feeling in yourself before you attempt to produce it in
the other person. When you show the feeling you re talking about, it gives
the other person courage to feel it.
SHORTCUTS TO INTERNAL ALIGNMENT
Following are some shortcuts to Internal Alignment.
To make generating an intense response easier, try the following:
a. Generally, when you are describing an emotional state,
demonstrate that state. If you are talking about being reserved
or guarded, lean back, fold your arms, drain your voice of
energy; if you are talking about being excited, lean forward,
expose your chest, let your voice sound full and let it move
through high and low pitch ranges.
b. When you want to create suspense, or to suggest that you are
uncertain or having mixed feelings about what you are saying,
make your vocal pitch go up. After your pitch goes up, your
listener will instinctively expect your pitch to fall; if it does not, it
will sow doubt in your listener's mind.
c. When you want to get your listener to do what you say, or
believe what you say, or experience something intensely, make
106
your vocal pitch go down. At the end of a statement, make sure
your pitch descends.
d. Gesture, rather than keeping your hands and arms immobile or
close to your body; gesture when delivering the most important
words in a given phrase, timing the gestures so that each lasts
as long as the accompanying word.
e. Slow your rate of speech--your tempo--to intensify your words'
impact; the slower your tempo, the greater your impact.
f. When describing something abstract or conceptual, occasionally
defocus your eyes and look up, as people do when they are
thinking of something. This suggests an intense involvement in
your own thoughts, which, odd as it seems, extends to your
listener an invitation to experience with equal intensity the state
you are describing.
g. When describing an emotional or tactile experience, slow your
speech down, nod your head down slightly, and momentarily
look downward as you speak.
h. After describing an intense state, push your fingers through your
hair.
i. The more physical space your gestures occupy, the more
confident you seem. The further from your body you gesture,
and the more space you place between your arms and your
chest, the more confident and powerful you seem. Don t worry
about seeming grandiose; with practice, your expansive
gestures will become ever more closely synchronized with what
you want to express, and therefore, more and more persuasive.
Ultimately, you should think of your body, as well as the space around your
body, as a whole, a unit. This unit should be completely aligned, completely
involved in the expression of a particular emotion. Your body is a tool
you should allow yourself to let the emotions you choose dictate the
movement, stillness, and variation of this tool s every part.
Every part of you that does not reinforce your verbal message
dampens and deadens that message.
107
We call these nonlogical, nonverbal distinctions nuances.
Charisma, energy, and magnetism are associated with rich nonverbal
nuance, as is risk-taking. If you want to avoid notice, avoid nuance; if you
want to be in the spotlight or accumulate authority, cultivate it. Again, the
more emotion you exhibit to others, the more emotional response you can
elicit from others.
Additional tips:
When you want to suggest a black-and-white, no-options situation,
use a chopping gesture. When you want to suggest a range of options and
possibilities, use smoother, flowing gestures a sweep of an arm, for
example.
To project confidence and openness, keep your chest exposed and
perhaps your legs spread.
To project wariness or vulnerability, swing an arm or wrist across
your body, or cross your legs or ankles. A momentary gesture should be
enough.
Adjust your voice along a variety of parameters: don t just make it
loud or quiet, but experiment with varying your tone (harsh or soft), tempo
(fast or slow), and timbre (full or thin). The more range you display, the
more impact your voice will have. And remember, the slower you speak,
the more impact each word has (though it is possible to go overboard on
this).
When you smile, begin with the muscles around your eyes.
Use your hands to depict what you are describing.
EXERCISE
a Spend a day noticing how different people respond to your usual
communication patterns. Pay attention to their communicative nuances-
-watch the regularity and intensity of their gestures. What physical
postures and poses do they assume, and in response to which
particular words, gestures, and shifts in vocal tone on your part? What
tones do their voices take? How quickly or slowly do they talk? How
animated are their faces?
b Spend a day communicating very crisply. Use no gestures. Minimize
your tonal variation. Leave your facial expression composed and
unchanging. Notice the effects on your listeners this time around.
c Spend a day using very elaborate gestures. Raise and lower the pitch
of your voice dramatically. Speak very quickly, and then slow down
[ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]