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people are old, but they have a bar. Like I said, croquet, polocrosse, that kind of thing. It s for the
old-money types.
The only thing old money about you, Mom, is that you happen to marry old men for
their money.
I could hear Mom sip her drink. I never said I came from old money, darling. I said I
came with someone else s old money.
You re terrible.
Well, all of us country club ex-wives need a lot of money, she said. Sex with the
stable boys at the club isn t cheap you know.
I almost choked. Mom! You made me spit my beer.
My dearest mother hummed into the phone. Maybe you wouldn t be single, darling, if
you learned to swallow properly.
Goodbye, Mom.
CHAPTER EIGHT
I was still blaming Will on the drive to the country club. It was a beautiful Sunday, and I
was stuck spending it doing fuddy-duddy things. It s your fault I m spending the day at the old
people s home.
It s not an old people s home, Mark, Will said again. It s a country club. They play
golf and croquet.
I raised an eyebrow at him. You re not helping your argument with that one.
Mark, my dear friend, there will be polocrosse.
So?
That means men on horses. Very fine athletes in very tight pants, on horseback& Do I
need to paint you a picture?
I m beginning to see where you re going with this&
Plus, your mom will need someone to drive her home.
I think she likes you more than she likes me, I told him.
Of course she does, he answered simply. What s not to love?
You sound more like me every day.
We re melding via symbiosis.
You re such a nerd.
Will laughed and pulled his car into the lot of the Meadows Country Club. Your Mom is
meeting us here, yes?
Yep. If there s a bar, she ll be at it.
Probably, Will agreed. Discussing world politics and the ethical and financial reasons
for substantiating fusion energy.
If you mean scouting for a new husband while bobbing for olives in a barrel of vodka,
then yes, that.
Will laughed. Oh come on. She s not that bad.
No, she s not, I agreed.
We walked toward the clubhouse. You do love her, you know, he said. I know you
do.
Of course I do, I told him. She just doesn t qualify for the mother-of-the-year award.
It s my job to be the ill-adjusted, bitter child.
We walked in, and there was my mother, dressed in her finest, waving a martini at us.
Yoo-hoo, boys!
Mom. I kissed her cheek. Isn t twelve o clock a bit early for martinis?
It has fruit in it, she said, holding up the glass.
Not sure if olives count when they re pickled.
Well, they should. They re green.
Fair point, Will said, kissing her cheek. Mark s been complaining all morning.
For the love of God, go get him a drink, she told him. Make it a stiff one. In actual
fact, get him anything stiff
Mom, I cut her off. No sex talk before lunch. Remember the mother/son rules I stuck
to the fridge when I was ten?
She rolled her eyes. Anyway, she said, changing the subject, we re out under the
marquee. The polo boys are& warming up.
I ll get the first drinks. Meet you out there, Will said and disappeared toward the bar.
Will is such a sweet boy, she said, interlocking her arm with mine. I wish you d just
get over yourself, get him drunk, and take advantage of him. You really should be together.
You re the perfect couple.
Thanks for the tips on how to catch your dream date, I said sarcastically. But Mom,
you know things aren t like that between Will and me.
She raised one eyebrow. Well, she tried. Botox made it hard. Mm hm.
Don t start on that again, I said, grateful Will wasn t here to be embarrassed again.
He s such a doll. Can t you just be& what do they call it these days? Fuck buddies?
Mom, please don t go there.
Oh please, she said. I m no prude, Mark. You know I ve had plenty of booty calls in
my time. That s what we used to call them back in my day, booty calls.
I stuck my fingers in my ears. La la la, we are not having this conversation, la la la.
Oh, Mark, she said, rolling her eyes. You re the prude.
I snorted. I was the least prudish person I knew. Apart from my mother. She had that title
categorically won. I mean, Jesus, when I d admitted to her I liked both boys and girls, she was
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